Mini Clubman John Cooper Works - long-term review

Can we give a little love to Ford’s now defunct Flex? No? Oh, all right then, be like that. Obviously we never got it on this side of the ‘pond’, but on my trips to the US I always quite liked the cut of its retro-modern jib when I sidled up alongside one on a freeway. Which wasn’t often because it wasn’t a big sales success, although it apparently enjoys cult status. Which is a euphemism for sales flop, although it must surely have turned up in one of those Judd Apatow-produced suburban comedies starring Paul Rudd.

Top-spec versions of the Ford came with a 3.5-litre twin-turbo EcoBoost engine for unexpected go, but its three rows of seats and robust interior (ie: cheap plastics) still made it superior soccer mom transport. Mom was probably a successful architect or interior designer in this instance.

I’m not sure who the Mini Clubman JCW – also on sale in the US – is aimed at. Me, I think, given that I have two teenaged children, a dog and a lifestyle, although I’m much taller than Paul Rudd (and a lot poorer). And while clearly now old enough to know better, I absolutely don’t, and on the roundabouts that have those raised but still flat kerbs you’re meant to avoid, I always take the racing line over them. The JCW is good at that, related as it is to the brilliant competition version I raced at Oulton Park in 2015. (Not that I’m encouraging wilfully racy behaviour on public roads.)

But there are problem areas. Like all hot hatches, the JCW is best enjoyed to its high performing full by oneself. Although it’s exceptionally able by any measure, it still isn’t a sports car, and although my kids dislike being thrown around at the best of times, at least in a sports car they might have some inkling of what’s coming. As for the dog, well he won’t even entertain getting in the JCW’s boot, even with the seats folded down (to reveal 1250 litres of storage capacity, a number that means nothing to him because he’s a dog, but it’s Golf-sized and he’s a Golden Retriever not a Great Dane, so he should fit.)

Of course, the answer if you’re in full family mode is to… drive more considerately. But the standard passive dampers still make this a busy sort of experience, at least on the roads near me. Which are largely rubbish, it must be said. The JCW is still fidgety on the M25, and the springs’ amplitude seems to trigger a mild headache in occupants. This is obviously sub-optimal.

There is a terrific tactility to this car, and it’s clearly engineered to a degree beyond the (much bigger, but similarly priced) Ford Flex. But like virtually every new car, it’s so intent on ticking every box that one or two of the most important ones are overlooked.