Alpina B3 GT Touring review: everyone’s wrong, it’s not the grand finale we hoped for

An Alpina! Are they still going?

Only just. Three years have passed since BMW agreed to buy the tuning firm that’s spun off its cars so brilliantly for so long, and the agreed cut-off date of 31 December 2025 is now hoving into view. Sniff. What we have here then is the penultimate chapter, the raging against the dying of the light… the end.

Penultimate because – now that this and B4 GT have been released into the wild – all that’s left is the 205mph B8 GT that’s set to lower the curtain on 60 years of Alpina. Sounds like it’ll be Buchloe’s joint-most powerful car ever. How’s that for a send-off?

Apt. Is this a suitable swansong too?

Ah, well… why don’t I get into the nitty gritty first? This generation of B3 was launched late in 2020 when we were all spluttering into facemasks, drawing a not insignificant 462bhp and 516lb ft from the M3’s 3.0-litre straight six, albeit with Alpina’s own downsized turbos. Five years on and this B3 GT now pulls 522bhp – just one horsie less than the works M3 Touring – and 538lb ft between a more reachable 2,500 and 4,500rpm.

Phwoar. Achieved with all manner of engineering alchemy, I’d imagine…

I’ll say. On the software side the engine mapping has been revised, and the same goes for the programming of the eight-speed ZF auto ‘box in order to cope with that power hike. Alpina claims the electronically controlled limited-slip diff – a key source of magic for the M3 – hasn’t been compromised in the process.

Hardware amounts to perforated brake discs, and it’s one-upped the 3 Series’ stiffer rear damper-to-bodyshell connection with additional dome-bulkhead struts for added rigidity and steering precision. Practical effects aside, they look ace. Well worth opening the bonnet for.

There’s also a larger rear stabiliser for improved roll support, and the shock absorbers have been reconfigured to be more befitting of something with ‘GT’ in its name.

Up front the spoiler gets a new splitter and dive planes. Dive planes! They really are sweating the small stuff now. A rear diffuser completes the aero tinkering, and you get 20in, diamond-cut alloys in all four corners – not the 19s/20s front-rear split on the regular M3T.

Yeah, there’s no missing those alloys…

Somewhat conspicuous, huh? Gold is the order of the day on this test car, applied to the wheels and badges, the magnificent bulkhead struts, the interior stitching and those full-length decals running down each flank. ‘Oro Tecnico’ is the official name. Yeah, yeah. They’re optional (and free), but a bit much IMHO. Though if you’re the kind of person prepared to drop a six-figure sum on a torpedo masquerading as a family estate, you’re probably not that bothered about going under the radar.

Inside Alpina has put its own stamp on the interior, raising the leather game with Lavalina on the steering wheel: PerformTex seats as standard, but the full merino takeover you see here is a £3,800 option. Appropriately swish it is too.

There’s a definite shift in the execution of the cabin, with a less busy, more sophisticated take preferred to the bold, attacking vibe of the Em Drei. To a degree. The carbon fibre effect trim looks entirely out of place and even a sweep from Alpina’s finest interioristas hasn’t deleted all of the chrome, but it’s a step towards something more – again – befitting of a GT.

And it’s not all superfluous either. Gone are the M3’s nasty, plasticky paddles and in comes an anodised aluminium pair that tangibly lift your involvement with the car. Might be a tiny adjustment but there’s a weight to the shift action that just didn’t exist before. Makes taking control more tactile, more of an occasion. Love that.

Come on then, what’s it like?

Good grief does it haul. In normal driving you’d never know the gravity lying beneath your right foot, but indulge the pedal and the reaction is extraordinary. Like riding an avalanche powered by nuclear fusion. Tony Stark’s arc reactor has nothing on this, it just inhales speed and sticks it to the road with a mass of traction.

It’d be a profound experience if it weren’t over so quickly, 0-62mph settled in 3.5 seconds – leaving a village, realistically you’ll be at the national speed limit in two. Given enough autobahn/private runway it’ll keep going until 190mph. It’s a ballistic missile with heated seats.

Throw it at a bend and it turns into one of those Chuck Norris gags: the B3 GT doesn’t endure lateral G, lateral G endures the B3 GT. It’s not as dialled-in as the M3 – no surprise there – but there’s that same sense of balance between the axles that makes the M3 such an entertainer. Is it agile? That’s not the word I’d use: the Alpina’s still 1,945kg unladen, so easily over two tonnes with fuel and a squidgy human at the wheel. But it’s planted and game for a laugh, even if the steering’s not quite as involving as it could be.

Because this is an Alpina, right?

Exactly that. The most impressive thing about the B3 GT is its split personality: few other cars can wallop you over the head with Newton’s third law and still chew up motorway miles so sumptuously. That damper set-up is wonderfully judged and with a Comfort+ setting available, you’re free to max out the plushness of the ride quality when you’ve got a lot of ground to cover. It’s amazing more carmakers in general don’t aim for that compromise. Maybe BMW will if it turns Alpina into an offshoot or a trim level…

This is a lot of praise given the headline. What am I missing?

Look, if I was judging this on ability alone that score up top would be 9/10, no question. But this isn’t just any Alpina, this is one of the last Alpinas. It should be defiant to the end, like the T-800 giving John Connor the thumbs up while being lowered into that pit of molten steel at the end of Terminator 2 .

The B3 GT Touring can’t because the reality is it has very little to shout about, no standout USP other than being a bit of a rare bird. Alpina was great in the past because it made the left-field choices that the M division either couldn’t or wouldn’t, going for twin-turbos, automatics, and four-wheel drive and giving people what they really wanted from big luxury performance cars. Less aggression, chiefly. Same was true when it got big into biturbo diesels in the mid-to-late 2000s as BMW dragged its feet.

But now? BMW’s finally moved away from high revving, naturally aspirated engines, manual transmissions and rear-wheel-drive, and poor old Alpina has been displaced. Today’s M cars are so complete – comfortable and usable, yet complete lunatics on command – that Alpina’s underlying appeal has been eroded away.

And so here we are, with the thinking person’s M3 Touring pitched as little more than a comfort and trim pack. For £92,740. And likely six figures after you’ve dallied with the options list. That’s the crux of it.

Everyone was desperately hoping for the B3 GT to be a grand finale, and while it’s a great car, it’s not a great Alpina. And that just underlines the sad and simple truth: Alpina has run its course.