BMW M135 - long-term review

When I look at the M135 xDrive on paper, my heart thumps a little bit harder. It’s a compact hatchback with a superheated 2.0-litre turbocharged four-cylinder engine producing 300bhp and 295lb ft. It has the impossible allure of BMW’s ‘M’ badging and, with four-wheel drive, the potential to offer traditional hot hatch sharpness with a bit of rear-biased dynamic fun when you really get stuck-in. It even looks pretty good for a modern BMW.

That’s a lot of boxes ticked, isn’t it? Throw in the cliché (but absolutely correct) view that hot hatches are perfectly aligned to our craggy, narrow roads in the UK and the M135 starts to sound deeply appealing. Even at a basic price of £43,740. That sort of money slightly blows my mind, but we live in a world where a Civic Type R costs £50,050. For reference, the M135 is just a shade cheaper than a Golf R.

Of course, that’s just for starters. Our rather delicious Frozen Portimao Blue car complete with M Sport Package Pro, the Technology pack, full panoramic glass roof and all sorts of other (unnecessary) things is a whopping £54,050. Anyway, cars are expensive. This is not new information. But, such is the outlay that the experience better be pretty bloody good. It has to deliver on that theoretical promise…

My colleagues suggest the M135 might struggle. It was thrown into the hot hatch supertest and was damned with, well, damning criticism. The BMW wasn’t particularly fast around the track (8th out of 10), didn’t possess much in the way of feel and an Audi had better balance. An Audi! Not too long ago this would be unthinkable. My new car didn’t make the final 5. The ignominy.

Yet, I remain hopeful. At this moment, I have driven it precisely 68 miles. All but five of which have been on a motorway. The interior is pretty lovely. It feels a quality item. The old M135i’s automatic ‘box has been replaced by a dual-clutch seven-speed unit that’s waaaay nicer. Overall, it feels a lot more together than the last car. Now to uncover the hot hatch thrills. Fingers crossed.