US tariffs: Jaguar set to revive E-Type to calm worried nation

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Jaguar is considering reviving its classic, beloved E-Type sportscar in order to calm a worried, beleaguered nation beset by financial uncertainty and economic worry.

Widely considered the best car ever made in England, the E-Type will return to production lines in a bid to make everyone feel really quite nice and lovely following widespread uncertainty about the fate of the UK economy and other financial headwinds incomprehensible to most mortals.

Analysts believe the return of the E-Type will not only boost the falling FTSE 100 index, but also soothe international markets, reassure investors that the UK is a safe bet, solve the climate crisis and rewild endangered species of butterfly.

“Come on, it’s what we all need right now,” an insider close to the project said. “Everything’s gone a bit on fire after that thing. No, not our thing last year, but this thing this year.

“The E-Type is the single greatest car this country has ever produced and reintroducing it onto our roads is the only sensible reaction to wildly unpredictable financial markets and movements nobody really understands but everyone’s super worried about.

“Small, pretty car make everything better,” the insider added.

Reports suggest the UK’s top court is also considering a law making it illegal to mention the E-Type without also mentioning the fact Enzo Ferrari thought it the best car ever designed.